Violence and anime

Here's the thing. I went out today, to go check out Mission Impossible III, just because I haven't taken myself to a movie in awhile and I felt like some action-adventure-style stuff. And Phillip Seymour Hoffman just scares the living shit out of me, you know? It occurred to me that I really don't like the bloody stuff, for the sake of being bloody, I don't like the fucked-up sadistic shit we conceive of to do to each other. I was thinking, there's nothing in the world I wouldn't do to save one of you girls from dying - there would be no need to make it a weird and twisted death. Death would be enough, you know? Anything past that is just so unneccesary, and cruel, and it's so strange to think we revel in it, sometimes.

I'm weirdly contemplative about this right now because of this class on utopias and dystopias. So many people are locked into this idea that if you don't get to have exactly the life you have right now (which for most of them is boozy and full of American Idol and lots of shopping), then you can't have a utopia. Whenever we come across some sort of utopian idea that might work, with a completely different social structure, they think it couldn't happen, because man is warped and besides, they don't have TV.

But all I ever wanted was that strange, over-the-top sort of brotherhood, sisterhood, family aspect, that group of people on whom you depend, and to not question whether it was good or bad to help it. Just to always be helping it. Which makes me even MORE of a communist! Oh, man, I'm on a roll. Just thinking how wretched it is to be stagnant. I hate that. I think that's part of the need to keep moving. Everything is fascinating at first, but I like it to stay fascinating, and it seems the longer I'm there the more it becomes flawed, or I do, or we do together. Relationships, jobs, everything. Gotta keep moving somehow. I don't know how I'm going to do that.

Sorry. Weird pseudo-intellectual state. In other news: I suck at pool, and so does Topher. We would both like to be badass pool sharks, and he sort of looks like one, bending over a cue with a cigarette clenched between his teeth and one eyebrow drawn it while he's concentrating, but then he scratches and the whole thing just gets shattered. I don't even look like a pool shark. I look like someone who can't hit the fucking cueball half the time.

I sound irritated. I'm not. Just watched Final Fantasy, because I saw the latest cool version with Jason, and man, the old stuff sucks. I'm mad at guy who keeps defeating all the bad guys, because he fights with a gun, and what kind of badass fights with a gun? I mean, really.

I really don't like guns. I think they should take them away.

Part of Mission Impossible was set in Rome, and I had walked along this wall where they broke into the Vatican a million times, and I was so excited to see it I nearly wet myself. The guns made me think of it. No guns in Rome. I felt so safe there. I hate that someone has more power than me for no reason. If they go earn it, fine, but fuck buying it. That's cheating.

I still sound irritated. I'm really just drunk. Don't you worry.

Love.